Is Dating in Atlanta a Lost Cause?

Here's the thing: you can fill in the blank with any city, and someone is sure to share this sentiment. They may say, "there are no good guys in ______ anymore," or "all of the girls in _____ only want to play games."

I'll challenge you: are you one of the men and women "polluting" the dating pool - or are you an exception to the rule?

If you consider yourself the "relationship type," someone who prefers late nights cooking meals at home or setting up joint bank accounts for generational wealth - then perhaps it is possible that someone else out there is also looking for the same thing. Surely, it can't be just you!

But of course, what we see influences what we believe. I've found that the majority of relationship-minded individuals spend minimal time on dating apps; and if they do happen to hop on (just to take a peek), they quickly become turned off by the sheer magnitude of suitors who prefer casual connection.

So you end up in a situation where a large group of eligible bachelors and bachelorettes are at home, minding their business, protecting themselves from the apparent disaster of the dating scene in Atlanta.

Give Yourself a Chance to Think Differently

You have likely already heard well-meaning friends and family encourage you to "put yourself out there" or "stop trying so hard; it'll happen when you least expect it!" But for those who have strong desires for meaningful relationships, this advice can end up missing the mark. We have to first acknowledge that you have tried.

You have tried the strategy of going places to meet more people. You have tried relaxing and waiting for the divine to send the right person your way. You have tried it all - only to end up in situationships, ghostings, or even finding a lack of interest in anyone you do manage to meet.

So I'll start by validating you: you have tried, and this is not your fault.

Next, I'll give you an answer to the question, "so, what do I do now?"

I believe strongly that energy-well-spent is energy invested into opportunities that change the negative or limiting views you have about what is possible.

In fewer words: changing what you see, changes what you believe.

If you have been casually dating someone who probably isn't in alignment with your future goals, it would be worthwhile to pause. Ask yourself, "why am I filling my time with someone who reinforces the belief that no one wants what I want?"

If you are sticking to home turf, refusing to step outside of your comfort zone or expand your circle, pause. Ask yourself, "what new data am I getting by changing nothing about my surroundings?"

If you don't have any friends or family with loving relationships, this is also a moment for a pause. "Are my actions in relationships being shaped by what I view as 'normal' because of my circle?"

Put Yourself in Situations that Challenge You

After starting the thought work, consider taking a step into action. Don't repeat the strategies and patterns that clearly have not been working for your benefit. Instead, consider a challenge that aligns with the relationship you want to experience.

When you get into a relationship (which I do hope for you), what life will you share together? Will you be foodies, trying out new restaurants across the city? Will you cook at home, sharing new recipes and impressing one another's taste buds? Will you be adventurous, finding new trails to hike or new races to enter? Will you be community-minded, taking part in local organizations and clubs?

If this is the life you are building, start (or continue) on that path now. Seek out local events that are in alignment with the values you hold. You may meet someone at an event - or not. The point is, you are starting to change and shape your mindset around who, how and why you would enter a relationship.

In doing so, you won't be distracted by fools' gold or fall into the trap of temporary fixes for your loneliness. You'll keep your mind sharp and fueled to live life to its fullest. And the type of person you are wanting to attract? They are living their full life, too.

Your single life is the necessary beginning to a complete and continuous story.

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Nominate Yourself - or a Friend

Mesa Gatherings hosts intentional singles events in Atlanta, Georgia for men and women ages 26 - 45. To be notified about upcoming gatherings, nominate yourself (or a friend) at the link below. Let's get you connected.

Nominate Yourself

hosted by My Intimacy Therapist